Ninevah

 I was asked to do something this upcoming weekend--something I really do not want to do. Something I am outright dreading with all of my being as I type this.

I am going on a Women's Retreat with my mom.

I agreed to do it because my mom really has enjoyed it in years past, and although she signed up this year--none of her friends signed up as well. I figured it would be fun at the time when I agreed to do this, but as the days loom closer, my spirit is filled with complete and absolute dread.

I originally planned to use my period as an excuse to not participate and spend the weekend in the room, but then my period came early and it's wholly unlikely that it will still be around come retreat time. So that was a bust.

Then I started hearing some things my mom has said that have been hurtful, and I think that I am going to be completely alone in being subjected to it.

And I worry after having heard reports of years past, the content of this retreat fostering discussions that I plain do not want to have with my mom as an audience...and I absolutely don't want to go.

I told my mom's bible study tonight--this feels like Jonah. I am being told to go, and I am emphatically NOT wanting to go, to which someone stated, "You know what happened to Jonah, right? He ended up going."

And my response was, "And he still ended up bitter." (Read the last chapter of Jonah if you haven't. It's a hilarious end to the story).

I begged the mom's group to not pray for my heart to change, because I want to keep my heart guarded in this experience. I don't want to have any vulnerability to be received poorly, so I would rather just stay quiet and exist.

And then another mom prayed out loud for a heart change.

I was told by another mom as I left tonight, "God is going to do something beautiful with this. You'll see."

I hope she's right.